Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
