i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
