Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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