Kiss
Puke
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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