i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
