he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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