P.S. I can't hear my feet
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
