Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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