Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think I died a long time ago.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
organizing the empties. That sober.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
