You work out of a Hotel?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
