I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
