she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
