you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
