Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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