I want to walk on stilts...naked
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
