I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
