Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
