I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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