There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
