Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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