my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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