i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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