so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
