this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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