I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
