somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
