accomplished twins. life is a go
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
