There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Pants are for mortals
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
