why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
