Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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