return my video game
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
