Apparently you make a good broom.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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