I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
