this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
