So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
