She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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