I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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