Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
