So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
