if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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