i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
