I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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