I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
