Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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