well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
