I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
