oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
