Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
