my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
