I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
