Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Congratulations! We have a period
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