In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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