Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
