I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
