we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
