i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
