My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
