grandma shit on top of the toilet
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
God, I missed his penis.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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