Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
