Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
