Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
