Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
