Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
