I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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