my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
