She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
