i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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