Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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