Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize