He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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