I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
