I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
