so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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