So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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