they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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