fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
