I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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