does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
